The Lies We Live
by tiger002
Summary: Because the truth is far scarier...
1. Chapter 1: The Liar

**Warning: Rated a high T for scenes of a sexual nature. If the scene becomes too much for you, skip down to the next line break.**

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><p><strong>The Lies We Live<strong>

Bright lights. Hundreds of matching beds for the smallest of people, wrapped in pink and blue.

You stand over one, perfect blond hair covering his adorable head. You smile, the joy of life banishing away the pain of birth.

A hand on your shoulder, a smile plastered on his face.

He's beautiful.

Who knew you had it in you, the brother comments.

He smiles at the teasing.

Maybe one day even you can make one.

Nah, too much work.

Says the one who hasn't had a relationship last over a month since Maya.

The banter continues, you faking a smile as tears build.

This should be the happiest moment of your life. You just brought a beautiful, wonderful, perfect little boy into the world.

But every time you look at those eyes, you are reminded of the shorter twin laughing beside you.

Paranoid, maybe.

After all, he's Cody's twin. It makes perfect sense for him to share some features with the little ball of life.

And that was only one night; you had been with Cody so many more.

But you can't forget the just perfect timing no matter how much you want.

Nine months.

To the day.

And as you leave the room, glancing at your son one more time, you feel like your heart is going to shatter.

And once more, your mind is brought to The Night.

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><p>It was the night of the party, the one-year anniversary of you and Cody. And London went all out, the finest of wines, the loudest of music, and more food than even Woody could eat.<p>

You and Cody danced, his coordination even worse than normal thanks to the alcohol.

But neither of you cared, the joy of being together all you needed.

As your feet intertwined with his, the two of you fell to the floor, and with love driving out all care, you kissed him. His tongue sloppily danced with yours as you pulled your husband close.

Then you got up again, ready to party until the end of this endless night.

But he wasn't.

He always was a lightweight when it came to alcohol so instead, he went to some room upstairs to sleep. You remember Zack and London trying to get him to his feet (at least you think it was them) but you weren't done yet.

No, you wanted to live this night for all it was worth.

A dance.

A hug.

Maybe even a kiss.

Friends, strangers, you didn't care, nor spend the time to tell the difference.

And the drinks, you didn't know how many, but each one stung so good on the way down, the nausea demanding you consume more. All your cares were gone, the stress, the fear, all vanished by the power of that sacred elixir.

But the night couldn't last forever.

People left until you were alone.

Except for him.

Come on, Kansas. Let's get you out of here.

You don't remember what happened next, but you followed him to his car. Looking back, you now realize that he was drunk too, with all his stumbling and slurred speech and you hate yourself for riding with a drunk guy, but in your condition, you were in no condition to drive either and as much as it now scares you, you saw that Zack seemed used to driving in such a condition.

He took you into his house, yelling at you for taking so long to get up those steps.

But you finally made it.

Here, take the couch, he says, tossing some old dusty blankets onto the floor beside it.

What makes you think I'd want to sleep there?

You now see how selfish you were then, and wished you had acted more grateful for it.

Because I told you to.

He narrowed his eyes at you, but you just stood there, trying to stare, but you couldn't focus.

I don't want to.

Deal with it.

That did it.

You had enough of him; you couldn't stand his heartless arrogance any longer. How could he just let a girl sleep on the couch? Hadn't he heard of chivalry?

You ran at him, bringing your hand down, ready to slap that scowl off his face.

But he caught your arm and brought your face inches away from his.

You remember a single tear racing down your right cheek.

And then he smiled.

A soft smile, not the sinister evil one you expected from him.

You locked eyes with him, seeing in those marvelous blue orbs something familiar, but also something new. Something exciting that you wanted to discover.

And so you closed the distance, your mouths interlocking as all your anger turned into joy...and desire. The room spun even more than before and sweat began pouring down your body and sticking to your clothes.

Clothes that you felt lift from your body.

You looked down, Zack's hand rising up your thigh, burying itself within the confines of your little black dress.

He stopped once he caught your glance but you gave him a nod and a kiss, telling him to continue.

With ferocity you had never seen in a lover, he tore your dress over your head and let it land on the other side of the room.

You felt the air conditioning blow across your nearly bare body and he stepped away from you. His eyes gazed up and down along your body.

Wow.

You smiled at the compliment.

And not content to keep him waiting any longer, you unclipped the back of your bra and dropped your underwear to the ground. With a step forward you removed your heels and then, finally free of all restraints, you ran at him, his fancy clothes way too much for a time like this.

Once his jacket was gone and his shirt was unbuttoned (revealing a deliciously carved chest), he lifted you off your feet.

Not here, babe.

He carried you up the stairs as if you were as light as air and opened up the door to his room.

On the bed you continued, the room spinning more as he ran his warm hands along your body. You shivered as he paused at your most private parts.

With your legs, you pulled off his pants as the two of you embraced on his bed.

Though by this point, your vision had become blurry and as you stared at his amazing figure, your mind flashed to your husband.

Cody.

What was that?

Nothing, just take me.

You can't remember anything else from that night, the alcohol being too much. Sights sounds and touches blurred into a blend of confusion and shock, but you still can't decipher them.

The next morning you woke up with the worst hangover of your life. You felt as if your brain had turned to syrup and was going to leak out your ears.

You noticed the blankets around you (and how they needed washing) before throwing them off. You got up, then remembering you were completely naked.

You swallowed hard.

Still, you had to face the eventful night, so you opened the door to the soft sound of TV in the room below.

Zack? you nervously called.

You're awake?

He got up from the couch, only in his underwear. Instead of eyeing his body you looked to the floor.

Your clothes are by the couch. Get dressed and I'll take you home, he said without emotion or care. He ran by you and into his room, rushing by you and not daring to look you in the eye.

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><p>Thanks for taking care of her.<p>

Not a problem, that's what brothers are for.

Yeah, I think I might have drunk a bit much last night.

A bit? Bro, you were trying to convince London to invest in a public force of killer penguins to stop the furbies from starting another Spanish Inquisition.

You would have laughed at your drunk husband's antics, but you were ready to drift away. You wondered if Zack would give any hint of what happened between you two. But, the way he was talking so casually with his brother worried you too, like he didn't think anything of it.

And you were hurt, though you know you should have been grateful that he was lying so well.

You couldn't let Cody know.

Not then.

Not now.

Not ever.

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><p>As you walk away from your child and bring your thoughts to the present, you can't help but wonder what life would be like not knowing. You look to Zack, and his eyes flash back to you for a moment.<p>

Through a silent plea, you ask him if he knows that baby could be his. But as always, he walks away.

Either he's oblivious or wants to run from the truth.

And knowing Zack, it's the latter.

But, that will be for the best.

You take a one last look back before Cody wheels you back to your hospital room.

And you think of the lies you will have to tell to keep this new family together.

You will lie that day when he confuses Zack for Cody, calling him Dad.

You will lie when he asks why you and Zack don't talk much.

You will cringe when he says Zack would be a cooler dad than Cody.

You will dream of the truth, and scream at the nightmares.

You will lie to your husband when he asks you what's wrong

Because the truth is far scarier than all these suffocating lies.

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><p><strong>A bit different than my usual for sure, but I really like how this turned out. Thanks to The Lovely Anomoly for betaing this. <strong>

**I was inspired partly by cornwallace's dark twists and romance and Aimme'****s theme of lies being easier through her story Falling Through the Cracks and some pm conversations**** with her.**

**I've also thought about showing this story from Zack's perspective.**

**I thought there was something else I wanted to say but now I forgot...oh well, just please press that review button and maybe I'll remember it!**


	2. Chapter 2: The Coward

**Warning: Rated a high T for scenes of a sexual nature. If the scene becomes too much for you, skip down to the next scene break.**

**A/N: **Yes, most of this is a rewrite of the previous chapter, but from Zack's PoV instead. Enjoy...

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: The Coward<strong>

I stand over the newborn, his eyes bright as the sun, soft hair so silky smooth and his smile abounds with life.

He's beautiful, I say, taking in fully the little ball of life, the few seconds of holding him far from enough.

Maybe one day you can make one, my brother replies.

Nah, too much work, I quickly add.

Says the one who hasn't had a relationship last a month since Maya.

We continue to argue, though at least try to keep it down in here.

But he doesn't know me. He doesn't know the girls I've been with or what's become of them.

There are a lot of girls out there, some good, some bad, and some that should be sent to another planet.

My brother was a lucky one, finding a jewel from Kansas that fit perfectly with him.

I haven't been so lucky. True, not all of the broken hearts were their fault, and there are some I wish I hadn't let get away.

But I'm here for my family and the newest addition to it. Not to reminisce on what could have been.

Bailey looks up at me with a gaze I ignore as Cody holds little Brandon.

I sigh, though not even Bailey hears it. She probably thinks I'm just trying to run from her fears.

I'm not stupid.

I know the timing.

Nine months to the day.

I remember that night clearly even if she can't.

Even though I wish I could forget.

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><p>It was the biggest party I had ever been invited to. Great wine, food, music—it was all awesome.<p>

All for my little brother's one year anniversary with that beautiful girl from Kansas.

There were hundreds of people. Family, of course, old friends, and probably more old businessmen than anything else. Apparently Cody wanted to make some connections or whatever. I didn't bother to notice what they were talking about, instead choosing to spend most of my time catching up with Woody and enjoying the free food.

I would have liked to talk to Cody more, but he was busy with Bailey so I didn't worry about it. It was their night together, and I was but a guest (though sometimes felt as though I was just around to clean up the mess).

Soon the drinks caught up to my little bro and the wave of intoxication reduced him to an uncoordinated loud rambler. When he finally had succumbed to the point of being unable to walk, London and I stepped in and carried Cody upstairs. In hindsight, I wish I'd had some duct tape to shut him up. It would have been entertaining if his mouth wasn't right next to my ear.

It was well past one in the morning at that point and people had started to leave. But Bailey was far from done. She commanded the DJ to play more music, louder, faster, and she danced for all it was worth. Friends, strangers, it didn't seem to matter which. And it wasn't like it was just a calm professional engagement either.

She was wild, powerful, and dare I say, hot.

I tried to get her to calm down several times, but it was futile. I'll never forget the look on Woody's face when she spontaneously planted one on him. I thought he was going to faint on the spot.

But Bailey moved on to other guys (and I think a girl too) so I just stood back at watched. Part of me was worried about what would happen if word got out of this—what it would do to Codes' reputation—but if the others were half as drunk as they looked, they wouldn't remember any of this.

Soon, even the alcohol-fueled party goers had to quit and cabs were called for the most drunken of men.

Come on Kansas, I said as I placed my hand on her shoulder.

She stared at me blankly, like when I use a word with more than six letters when talking with London.

But after grabbing her hand, she followed me.

Looking back, I probably should have called a cab for her, much less myself, but I didn't want to leave my brother's wife in the hands of a stranger.

So I drove her back to my place, knowing she'd probably yell at me later for driving drunk, but it was far from the first time I had done so.

Eventually we made it, with her half-asleep and half-babbling on the way.

After fumbling with my keys I let her in, rummaging through the closet for some blankets for her.

What makes you think I'd want to sleep there? she asked after I offered her the couch.

Maybe I could have done the chivalrous thing and given her my bed, but I was tired, I like my bed, and she should be happy I let her in my house.

Because I told you to.

Probably not the best thing to say, but after all I did for her, you'd think she'd be a little grateful. Oh well, it's not like this is the first time I've tried to be nice but got yelled at because I missed a spot of their mess I had to clean up.

I don't want to.

She tried staring at me, like a drunken gaze would scare me when it's my house.

Deal with it, I said, reminding her that she was a guest in my house.

Though apparently she wasn't quite satisfied by that answer. She stumbled back, raised her hand and brought it down, ready to slap me.

But with her drunken stupor, I easily caught it.

I pulled her close, wanting to get it through her pompous little mind that she was in no place to boss me around.

But then as I glared at her, I saw it.

A sole tear sliding down her cheek.

Cute.

Yeah, this crazy drunken wife of my brother is cute.

I really need to have better taste in women.

But then our eyes locked, and I saw something in them. Something primal, something exciting, something hidden behind the mask she shows the world.

And we kissed.

You know those soft gentle kisses from those Disney fairy tales?

It wasn't anything like that.

Our lips locked, mouths engulfing each other. Hands flew along the other's body, exploring every crevice we could. A chill erupted along my body as she squeezed my butt. My hands found their way up her deliciously smooth legs, soon moving into the confines of her little black dress.

I soon pulled away, knowing she didn't mean that and that it had been so long since I got to kiss a girl like that. It was just a moment of weakness, an exhilarating, indescribable moment of weakness, but that's all. I mean, I couldn't truly love her.

Even after all those years of dreams filled with her tender smile and the way things could have been.

It was just a fantasy.

One that couldn't be.

But then, as I turned to walk away, to get away before things got any worse, she placed her hand upon my shoulder and our eyes locked once more. And with a gentle nod and a ferocious kiss, all my self-restraint left, leaving only an animalistic, lustful desire remaining.

I moved my hands once more beneath her dress, this time needing to get rid of the obstructive cloth. And with a swift motion the black fabric flew across the room. I stood back for a second, unable to do anything but stop and stare at the reality of the figure that had invaded my dreams so many times.

Wow.

She smiled at the comment, before removing her bra and underwear. And with a swift motion her heels flew across the floor and she ran toward me.

I couldn't embrace her soon enough. I felt her bare body against my still-clothed one, a problem she quickly took to solving. With her knocking off my jacket and her lips against my neck, all those dreams faded away. This was something more, something real. Not some construction of my imagination. And I wanted to give her the night someone like her deserves.

Not here babe, I said gently, lifting her in my arms. Her bare body rested so easily in my arms as she gazed up at me, a look of confusion and curiosity present.

I took her to the bedroom, and gently placed her on my bed.

She smiled as she lunged at me, my clothes quickly falling to the side, leaving me in only my boxers. I laid down beside her, our skin touching, sending shivers along both of our bodies. And then she rolled me over, staring over me on all fours, with a wild smile across her face as I took in every facet of that amazing body. Her hands danced along my skin, and began making their way lower.

And I knew exactly what she wanted.

I took her hand in mine and led her down to my waist.

But then she fell over me.

Cody, she said, her face down in my mattress.

What was that? I asked, sure—or at least hopeful—that I had misheard her.

She turned over, our eyes locking once more.

Nothing, just take me, she pleaded through heavy eyes.

And as I felt her breast resting in my hand, I wanted nothing more to comply, to take her queue and live this life for all it's worth.

But I knew her.

Not so different than all those drunken girls I've met.

Fueled by lust and loneliness, they say their 'I love you's' to anyone willing to hold them for a moment, to give them what they need, only to forget them the next day.

And despite my raging hormones telling me to continue, to love a girl so beautiful, so unpredictable, so perfect…I can't.

Cody, please, she said again, though her movement had become more sluggish, more tiring.

And I knew what I had to do.

Run.

I got up from the bed, bolted out the door, and slammed it behind me before running to the bathroom. I purged the desire from my body, trying to focus my mind on anything other than the beautiful girl in my bed.

Yeah, that's right. Zack Martin, self-proclaimed ladies' man had a beautiful, naked, willing girl in his bed while he was jacking off in his bathroom, hoping and praying she didn't come looking.

Pathetic…right?

Damn conscience.

After the deed was done, I waited a while longer, just sitting on the toilet thinking about what kind of mess I got myself in. Or maybe I was waiting to hope she fell asleep and didn't come looking for me. I mean, I'm a guy; how can I resist that? And she wasn't willing to take no for an answer.

But maybe that was okay. It would only be for one night, and then we could have everything go back to normal. Cody wouldn't have to know. Heck, after taking care of his drunk wife because he passed out, I deserved it. And it's not like I forced her to do anything. No, she started it. She wanted it. How is that wrong?

But she didn't even know what she was doing. Saying Cody…she was lost and confused. And here I was, a guy perfectly willing to take someone like that.

I'm better than that.

Despite some mistakes I had made before.

So I hid in the bathroom for a while, hoping she'd fall asleep and leave me alone.

Yep…so much for mister macho.

But then, once I figured it was safe, I finally got out, and as quietly as I could, I peeked into my room. And there she was, passed out on my bed, snoring ever so softly, and as beautiful as she was before. I stared at her for a moment longer than I probably should have, and noticed her shivering. So I grabbed some old blankets out of the closet and draped them over him, trying not to stare at her exposed figure.

And then I left the room, deciding after a night like this it was time for some rest. I grabbed the blankets I got out for her earlier and took my place on the couch.

Funny, she got my bed and I got the couch. Damn women always seem to get what they want.

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><p>I didn't sleep well that night. Didn't surprise me much though; the couch was lumpy so I couldn't find a good position to lay, but most of all, I couldn't stop thinking about Bailey.<p>

I kept thinking about what I could have done differently. If I should have slept with her, who would know? She was way too out of it to remember, and really, I wanted it. I couldn't believe I'd just let it get away like that.

But maybe she would have remembered. She would have told Cody, and then, what would that mean?

Could I have stopped her sooner? Maybe I should have taken her back to Cody's house. I mean, I'm sure he wouldn't have minded me picking the lock this time. I could have carried her to the bed like I did here, and then left, and none of this would have happened.

I gazed at the clock, seeing it was five in the morning, and I had, maybe gotten an hour of sleep. One thing was for sure, there is no way in hell I was going in to work after a night like that. After calling in sick, I turned the news on, the suffocating blanket of my thoughts too much to bear alone.

I really didn't pay attention to the news, just taking in the sound and the pictures they showed. Eventually the drunkenness from the night before faded and I discovered the hangover that was bound to follow. If it didn't hurt so much I would have walked to the bathroom and taken something, but I was afraid that any movement would have caused my head to fall apart.

Zack?

I heard the voice call out, soft and afraid.

You're awake? I asked, the answer obvious, but couldn't think of anything else to say. I got up, my head still spinning and I saw she was still naked (and still quite hot) so I quickly stared down at the floor.

Your clothes are by the couch. Get dressed and I'll take you home.

I ran by her, not wanting to look at her, to see something that couldn't be mine.

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><p>After taking about a dozen aspirin for my head, I got dressed, making a note that I needed to clean up my room even more than usual. The bed was a mess, the blanket I gave her last night was on the floor and I was pretty sure I saw the remnants of last Tuesday's dinner hiding behind my dresser. We then got back in the car, awkward silence filling the air instead of the annoying conversations of last night. Part of me wanted to say something, but really, what do you say to someone like that. 'How are you feeling after we made out and nearly slept together last night?' Yeah, that wouldn't make things any less awkward.<p>

So instead we rode in silence, and after the longest five-minute drive of my life, we made it to Cody's house. It was funny; we lived so close, but still hardly saw each other. When we were younger, I remember freaking out when he left for math camp for a week. Now it was hardly unusual for us to go a month without talking. We both had our own lives, so I guess that made sense.

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><p>Thanks for taking care of her, Cody said, rubbing his head, obviously still having a worse hangover than me. He never was one to do things in moderation. He was either all school, or all business, or in this case, all party.<p>

Not a problem, that's what brothers are for, I answer, trying to act like this was no big deal. Nothing really happened, so I decided to just leave out the details.

Yeah, I think I might have drunk a bit much last night.

A bit? Bro, you were trying to convince London to invest in a public force of killer penguins to stop the furbies from starting another Spanish Inquisition.

I still had no idea where that one came from, but the drunken mind works in some strange ways. As we talked, like everything was normal, I noticed Bailey slowly slink away, and from the hurt hidden behind those eyes, I knew all too well what was going through her mind.

That I had slept with her, taken advantage of her.

And while I came close, and will never forget that beautiful body or that wild kiss, I stepped away from Cody's house knowing that I wasn't a total bum.

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><p>And now, nine months later, I walk away from the hospital, knowing that was one night I can never run from. I see her glance back again as I walk by, the question burying its way into my skull, and I want nothing more than to yell that I wasn't that type of person.<p>

But what would that solve?

No, this is easier for us all; Cody can live happily ever after none the wiser of what might have been. Maybe I should have straightened things out with Bailey, told her what really happened, but I doubt she'd believe me. Heck, she'd probably think that I was just lying to make things right.

Self-righteous little bitch.

She probably thinks I'm the one who started this whole thing, not the one who gave her drunk-ass my bed and did the noble things despite the fact that she didn't give a damn who I was.

But that's in the past.

Though that kid isn't.

And as he grows, I'll see her heart break that day he'll call me Dad.

I'll smile when he asks his mom why me and her don't talk much.

I'll stand back as the family falls apart.

And I'll cry for that innocent soul as the lies shatter the marriage around him.

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><p><strong>AN: **It might have taken a while, but I'm really happy with how this turned out. Thanks once again to _the-lovely-anomaly_ for betaing this.

While this story is officially over now, I would like to do a sequel, and have already thought quite a bit about it.

Anyway, please review, and I will see you soon...


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